FUN
The Shanty-singers Personal Antiviral Shanty Mask
After many months of research the makers of the famous Baggyrinkle Giggleometer have now produced a suitable device for singing shanties in these difficult times.
Known as the SPASM it incorporates all the essentials for safely singing shanties during lockdown .
It is completely portable, lightweight and comfortable to wear, produces accurate reproduction of the wearers singing in perfect stereo with complete remote output control so that the group manager can monitor and control group volume.
Across
1 The earlier the better with Switzerland included. (8)
5 Fry, that is, could be very sharp indeed ! (6)
9 Not possible to speak without your head lad ! (3)
10 Completed without turning North East to get to the party. (2)
11 Nowadays replacing the need to look at the stars ? (1 , 1)
13 Sounds like you could pinch a seaside rock. (3)
15 ‘Shipped aboard’ one of these in Jamaica perhaps. (alternative spelling) (6)
17 Perhaps ram reins will lead you to the salts. (8)
Down
2 Act responsibly and dish it out ! (3)
3 This ugly old creature turned out to be Turbulent. (4)
4 Sang about ‘being a lad’ on HMS Pinafore. (4)
6 Flying off the deck in 1915? Not off The Aenne Rickmans though. (4)
7 A straight line ? Pull together lads ! (3)
8 When Wi Fi did contain the sharpest digit! (3)
12 Keep the sails neat and tidy on board a trimaran. (4)
14 In a car running there is a WW1 River Class Destroyer (named after a river). (4)
16 This smells in 8 ! (3)
Contact us if you need any answers!
Given the first line & the last word:- Set in June 2020
Tony
Though told off for singing quite loud…
It’s a talent of which I am proud
My counter point singing
Leaves Alan’s ears ringing
But it pleases the rest of the crowd
Terri
I knew a young man in Birchgrove..
Got lost in a coastal Mangrove
As he chopped with his cutter
He was heard there to mutter
What I’d give for a wood burning stove
I knew a young man in Birchgrove..
Searched for a pirates treasure trove
In jewels I’m rich in
I’ll stay in your kitchen
Sit next to the pot-bellied stove.
Kevin
A past patient of mine known as Mary
Had a one night fling with a fairy
the result of her sins was a strange pair of twins
with wings and green eyes, most contrary.
A past patient of mine known as Mary
Developed a boil large and hairy
when I lanced the aforesaid,out popped a strange head
And off flew a disgruntled fairy.
A past patient of mine known as Mary
Once developed a killer canary
Instead of a beak it had rows of sharks teeth
Which I thought particularly scary.
Ken
At whittling I am no slouch
But one day as I sat on the couch
A slip of the saw
And my manhoods no more
Now I carry them round in a pouch
At whittling I am no slouch
But to do it sometimes you must crouch
So close to the ground
I really have found
That it’s safer to wear a string pouch.
Gareth
I once knew a nurse known as Sally,
Who smelled of sweet Lilly’o’the Valley
When she entered a room
The medics would swoon
And bury their nose in her alley.
I once knew a nurse known as Sally
She was never one to dilly dally
She could shave a man’s bits
Without causing him frits
That’s Sally, the pride of our alley.
I once knew a nurse known as Sally
To all she was really quite pally
Men would walk her down
To her house in the town
And take her right up her back alley.
I once knew a nurse known as Sally
Said I hate patient who shilly shally
Kept a bottle of poison
Administered with poise and
Now she’s Sally the nurse from Death Valley.
I once knew a nurse known as Sally
Her plastic surgeon was Dr O’Malley
A nip and tuck there
My god what a pair
Now her nickname is silicon valley.
Alan
One day in my allotment did find,
For the gardeners I really did pine.
To a man they had mastered,
The art of getting plastered,
Homemade wine in the tool shed behind.
One day in my allotment did find,
That its lay-out I badly designed.
Manure I had spared,
Far too close to me shed,
Now the tea tastes like horse’s behind.
One day in my allotment did find,
That the mice (all three) were blind.
The French beans were gallic
The carrots quite phallic,
Pumpkins like Sabrina’s behind
One day in my allotment did find,
There gardeners did regularly dine.
My shed was the venue,
Red Deer on the Menu,
Stag or may behind.
One day in my allotment did find,
To the compost heap it had been consigned.
A brothel was planned,
For this sanctified land,
With a barrier for standing behind.
One day in my allotment did find,
A WREN being badly maligned.
She bent over my beans,
And split open her jeans,
And a voice said, “Avast Behind!”
One day in my allotment did find,
A strange bird of the feathery kind.
It had a head like a heifer’s,
Ate the hottest of peppers,
And flew backwards to cool its behind.
Andy
At squeezing my box I’m a whiz,
Though bookings are sometimes a swiz.
The last time I played,
I only got paid
With a half-empty bottle of fizz
At squeezing my box I’m a whiz,
But I sometimes forget what it is
That I’m supposed to be doing
When a lassie starts cooing
And My hornpipes are starting to fizz!
Across:
1. Christmas / cream / fire
5. ago / dark /middle
8 cold / law / wealth
11 Albert / Leicester / red
12 hatch / monkey /shell
13 cub / heart / sea
14 chair / flight / quarter
15 change / foot / leaf
17 clothes / tight / wear
18 advanced / carbon / right
20 ant / fire / man 22 brown / bug / great
24 land / stay / stream
25 ball / cushion / stripe
26 property / rope / step
27 delicious / eagle / opportunity
29 barber / floor / window
30 bay / lot /meter
Down:
2 home / rod / shackle
3 club / dog / maid
4 arm / back / room
6 fruit / shot / vine
7 double / easy / up
9 red / rings / Spanish
10 Beverley / West / York
14 currency / place / point
16 liner/ off / way
19 minister / number / suspect
21 bush / forest / lone
22 alarm / bow / dumb
23 tape / typist / visual
25 clothes / forward / up
28 dirty / dragons / gambling
I speak without a mouth and hear without ears. I have no body, but I come alive with wind. What am I?
You measure my life in hours and I serve you by expiring. I’m quick when I’m thin and slow when I’m fat. The wind is my enemy.
I have cities, but no houses. I have mountains, but no trees. I have water, but no fish. What am I?
What is seen in the middle of March and April that can’t be seen at the beginning or end of either month?
You see a boat filled with people. It has not sunk, but when you look again you don’t see a single person on the boat. Why?
What word in the English language does the following: the first two letters signify a male, the first three letters signify a female, the first four letters signify a great, while the entire world signifies a great woman. What is the word?
What English word has three consecutive double letters?
A woman shoots her husband, then holds him underwater for five minutes. Next, she hangs him. Right after, they enjoy a lovely dinner. Explain.
I come from a mine and get surrounded by wood always. Everyone uses me. What am I?
A girl has as many brothers as sisters, but each brother has only half as many brothers as sisters. How many brothers and sisters are there in the family?
If you need any help contact us.
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